in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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