When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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