help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
