Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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