I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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