I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
