No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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