guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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