Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
