Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
