Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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