Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
