i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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