Tell her she can't have a vagina
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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