I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
