I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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