His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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