apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
