Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We have started to decorate penises.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
