I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
