How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
