i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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