well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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