All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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