Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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