your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
