i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
