My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
