there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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