but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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