i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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