that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
