I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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