I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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