I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
