I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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