Do you still have your period?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
