so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
