i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
