you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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