I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
