I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so let's talk penis.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Enjoy the penises
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
