I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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