Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
