Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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