Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
