I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
