So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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