my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
