I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
